Fear
by Bionic Egypt
Summary: All my life I've been told not to fear. I've been told to be strong for my team. I've been told fear is a weakness and I wasn't allowed to be weak. But I can't contain my fear any longer.


**This is based off the episode where Adam quit the team, but it's about Chase. And it comes a bit after it, too –like maybe a month. I honestly don't know what else to say, but please enjoy **_**Fear**_**. (Wow that sounded weird. Who enjoys fear?)**

* * *

Fear

All my life I've been told not to fear.

I've been told to be strong for my team, to never let my guard down. I've been told that my siblings need me to be strong for them, to let them know that if I'm not scared, then they shouldn't be scared either. I've been told that fear is a weakness, one that should be ignored or squashed out like a bug.

But I can't contain my fear any longer.

It started the day Adam decided to quit the team. Mr. Davenport and I came up with a plan to get him to find his confidence again. It should've worked. It should've been foolproof. But I hadn't expected Adam to put his feet up on the control panel. I remembered the details perfectly, even without my bionic memory-bank.

_Mr. Davenport called me out of my capsule, telling me the ruse hadn't worked. I sighed, reaching to push the door open. At that moment, Adam put his feet on the console and hit a button that was never meant to be used when someone was inside._

_My capsule turned bright, deathly red around me. I felt the air becoming hotter and hotter, the temperature rising beyond what a normal human could withstand. I banged on the door, begging silently for it to open. _

_"Adam," Mr. Davenport said in a worried rush, "your foot turned on the heat sanitizer. That thing gets to over two hundred degrees."_

_My breath was becoming labored, slowing down because of the heat that was building up around me. "I really can't breathe!" I cried with the last of my energy. "Get me out!"_

_Adam just clapped for our 'performance.' "Oh bravo, so dramatic. Your acting is much better this time," he said sarcastically._

_I felt the world tilt and spin around me as I fell onto the glass and sank to the ground. Everything was growing black, swallowing me into the depths of darkness. I tried to fight it, but it was no use. I was going to die in this small, tight space that I had considered safe for so many years._

_The last thing I heard before the darkness swallowed me whole was Adam yelling "I'm coming Chasey!"_

I thought after I had woken up that it was all over, that I would be fine. But I was wrong, so, so wrong. At first I hadn't even realized it was happening, just subtle clues that something was off. But over time it became apparent that something was definitely wrong with me.

I couldn't go into any small spaces. At first my heart rate sped up just a bit, but when I finally realized the truth, it had graduated to full-on hyperventilation. I no longer slept in my capsule; instead I waited until everyone else had fallen asleep and crept up to the living room to sleep on the couch. I knew that if I tried to use my bionics after staying out of my capsule for so long I would definitely glitch, but I didn't know what else to do.

And that raised another question. What if one of our missions took us to a place where I'd be going into a small, constricting area? Mr. Davenport would kick me off the team for sure.

I couldn't tell anyone, especially Mr. Davenport, about my fear.

* * *

About a week after I figured out what was wrong with me, I was hurrying through the halls of school. I was late for my next class because my last teacher had ignored the bell and finished up the lesson anyway. I was just scurrying to my locker when one of the jocks pushed past me on his way to where ever he was going.

"Watch where you're going, freak," he sneered. I just ignored him; I'd been dealing with a lot of things like that because of how nerdy I seemed. But this time was different. Instead of walking away like they normally did, this guy turned back around and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt.

"What, did you not hear me talking to you?" he growled. "I'll teach you not to ignore the people talking to you."

Before I could figure out what he was going to do, the jock started dragging me towards the small, cramped janitor's closet. I immediately knew what he was going to do. He was going to lock me in the closet.

"No!" I pleaded. "No, don't put me in there! I can't go in there!"

The jock gave me an evil grin as he wrenched open the door. "And why can't you?"

"Because I'm claustrophobic!" I exclaimed.

There it was.

The ugly truth.

I was claustrophobic.

The jock just laughed before shoving me into the closet and slamming the door shut, locking it. I heard the squeaking of his shoes leading away from the closet, to the other part of the school. He was really leaving me in here. He was really trapping me in the smallest area in school and locking the door. I couldn't get out.

So I screamed.

I yelled for someone, anyone, to come and unlock the door. I begged and pleaded and even prayed to deities that I had heard about if that was what it would take to get me out. But nothing helped. The door stayed locked, and I stayed trapped.

I could feel my breathing increase, could feel my pulse spike. If I hadn't been so scared, I would've been able to come up with a hundred different ways to get out. I would've remembered the cell phone in my pocket and would've texted Bree or Adam to come and get me out. But I was so frightened that all logical thought flew from my mind.

Fear unlike anything I had ever felt bled throughout my body, gripping me in its icy claws. I was physically trembling, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. All I could think was of how constricting the tight space was, depriving me of air. It was a wonder I had ever been able to sleep comfortably in my capsule.

I started hyperventilating, and I felt myself fall back against the wall. But I wasn't there, at least not mentally. No, I was far, far gone, lost to the horrors of my mind.

* * *

_The red light surrounded me, matching the horror of the burning heat that was suffocating me. I was dying. I was dying and there was no escape. I was going to die because I was trying to help my older brother regain his confidence that I helped tear down. Karma was a bitch._

_My lungs started to draw in less and less air, one shallow breath left. The darkness of eternal sleep was calling to me, enticing me to join it. Fear unlike anything I had ever felt coursed through me, paralyzing me. I felt my eyes slide shut, and was no more._

* * *

Pain. Fear. These two things were equal when I finally started to awaken. I could still feel the pain of almost dying as I laid there in the darkness, my eyes sealed shut for fear that I was still trapped. I could still feel the residual fear from my first ever panic attack, sending my heart rate skyrocketing as I remembered where I was.

Burning. Suffocating. These two things were what I would forever be haunted with. I knew right then that I would never be okay. I would never get over my claustrophobia. I would forever see the bright red light of the heat sanitizer as it turned on, radiating heat unlike anything a human, bionic or otherwise, could survive. I could feel the fear of suffocation leaking throughout my body, yelling at me to breathe.

That's when I forced my eyes open.

The first thing I registered was that I was no longer standing up. I was lying down on something soft and comfortable and warm. The second thing I noted was that the ceiling was the wrong color to be in the janitor's closet. This meant . . .

I was free.

I tried to sit up, but two hands firmly but gently forced me back down. I glanced around to find none other than Mr. Davenport standing beside me, worry clouding his eyes.

"Where am I?" I asked slowly.

"You're in the Lab," he said. "When I saw your heart rate spike uncontrollably on the monitor, I texted Bree and Adam and told them to find you. Chase, what happened to you?"

I sighed, struggling to sit up. Mr. Davenport must've realized that it would be useless to keep me lying down, so he helped me up. Once I was sitting comfortably, I started my tale.

"I was late getting out of class, so I hurried to my locker. A jock pushed me out of his way and called me a freak, and I ignored him. But he didn't leave. Instead he grabbed a hold of me and dragged me to the janitor's closet and locked the door. I think I had a panic attack. The next thing I knew, I woke up here," I said, hanging my head in embarrassment.

Mr. Davenport frowned. "Why did you have a panic attack?"

I sighed. It was now or never. I could pretend that there was nothing wrong, but I knew that my claustrophobia could jeopardize future missions. So I told Mr. Davenport. I told him everything.

"It started about a month ago, when Adam quit the team," I started shamefully. "When he accidentally turned on the heat sanitizer, I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die. But when I came to, I thought that was the last of it. Now I know it wasn't. It's been getting worse and worse all month. I can barely get inside the elevator. I haven't even been able to step foot inside my capsule for two weeks."

"Chase!" Mr. Davenport scolded. "If you don't sleep in your capsule, then your bionics will glitch. You know that."

"Yes, I know that," I said with just a hint of steel in my voice. "But I can't get inside my capsule."

"Of course you can! The door still opens; you still fit," Mr. Davenport countered.

"I can't go in there!" I said forcefully.

"Why can't you?" Mr. Davenport demanded.

"Because I'm claustrophobic now!"

There it was.

Mr. Davenport knew the truth.

I braced myself for the accusations, for the lecture on ignoring fear, for his anger. But none of that came. Instead, Mr. Davenport was strangely quiet.

"You're claustrophobic?" he asked in a soft voice. If it hadn't been for my bionic hearing, which was the only bionic ability I had left, I probably wouldn't have heard him.

I nodded, feeling guilt worse than anything I had felt before settling into my stomach. "Yeah."

"How come you didn't tell me?"

That wasn't what I had expected him to ask.

"Why didn't I tell you?" I repeated incredulously. "You're the one who always told me not to be afraid. You always told me that Adam and Bree need someone to look to when they're scared, to show them that there isn't anything to be scared of. You're the one who told me fear is a weakness, and I wasn't allowed to be weak."

Mr. Davenport blinked in shock. He blinked again. And again. Finally he recovered enough to say "I never told you that you couldn't be afraid of something, Chase. I only said that your brother and sister look up to you, and that the leader has to _show_ no fear. Its okay for someone to be afraid every once and a while, Chase. Even you."

He reached out to put a hand on my shoulder, but I pulled back. I ignored the hurt look on his face. "What does it matter?" I asked, the fight draining out of me. "I can't get inside my capsule, so I can't use my bionics. I'm more useless then Adam had been when he was scared."

"I heard that," Adam said as he walked into the room. "And you're not useless. You're Chase."

Despite the tension in the room, Mr. Davenport and I both laughed. Adam had the special ability to defuse any tense situation with a stupid comment. It was nice to have someone around who could do that.

Mr. Davenport and I explained the situation to Adam, and they both tried to console me about my phobia. Eventually Bree, Leo, and even Tasha came down into the Lab, and I told each one of them what happened to me. Every single one of them assured me it was okay to be scared every once in a while, and everyone –even Adam –hit Mr. Davenport for expecting too much of me. It was a bit of a mistake for Adam to hit him, though. But it was still kind of funny to watch Mr. Davenport fly backwards a few feet and crash into the wall.

As we all sat there and I was surrounded by love and understanding, I realized that maybe they were right. Maybe it was okay for me to be afraid.

Maybe it was okay to fear.

* * *

**Tada! Whaddya think? I think that if Chase had been claustrophobic after that episode –I think it was called Bro Down, but I might be wrong –then he would try to hide it from everyone. He's the mission leader, and leaders can't be scared –or at least, that's what I think he would think. But anyway, that whole part about Chase's bionics glitching because he didn't sleep in his capsule was just a spur-of-the-moment idea. I mean, what is the point of them sleeping in a capsule if it doesn't help with their bionics? Maybe that's what would happen. I dunno. Anyway, thanks for reading!**

**~C**


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